Deodorant, Writing and NaNoWriMo

Ok. I like to buy my supplies in advance. I generally have two or three things of deodorant, soap, shampoo. I buy my toilet paper in the largest quantity that will fit in the laundry room. You know stock up. You never know when you will have a shortage of whatever it is that you need.

As a general rule, I shower everyday. I know that maybe that is too much information. Get over it. Although, I have been known to skip a day. Don’t tell my kids. But something that I noticed on my deodorant and some others on the shelf has me perplexed. I assume that nowadays it must really be a trend to skip a day or two. My deodorant states that it will last for 72 hours. I might skip a day or two if I am camping or something. But, does that really warrant a targeted advertisement? I mean what person looks for a deodorant that will last for 3 whole days before they have to reapply it? What is in it? I shudder to think. I guess as long as the Umbrella Corporation isn’t involved we shouldn’t worry. Right?

I have continued to write. I haven’t been posting my stories or updates to the existing ones because I am now submitting them for publication elsewhere. They really frown on you publishing it yourself and then giving them the leftovers. I have a few new flash fiction pieces. Work on one of the novels is moving along as well. I have also signed up for the National Novel Writing Month contest. It starts on November 1. Within 30 days you have to write 50,000 words. That would be a typical novel length story. If you write a steady 1667.667 words per day you can meet the goal, get the stickers, and as many virtual attaboys you can stand. Yeah. Maybe, I will have the energy to post my status here as I go through the challenge.

September 3, 2013November 18, 2015

Shove Five Pounds of Manure into a Three Pound Bag

I have not been writing as often as I would have liked over the last few weeks. But, I have started writing more short fiction lately. I find that trying to cram a story into a small word count limit is exciting. You grab the story idea by the throat and jam it into that little bag of words. In the consulting business, you are always trying to help people get faster or more efficient. But often, there are times when someone wants something faster than you can deliver. I would say, “You are trying to shove five pounds of manure in a three-pound bag.” The visual is awesome. Especially, for those who have actually tried to shove five pounds of anything into a bag that was way too small. It can get messy.

Writing short fiction is a lot like that. You have this idea of what the story is all about. You see it in your head. The pictures are rolling through your internal picture show. So many pictures. Each picture is worth a thousand words, right. Now, cram all of that detail into a 1000, 500 or even a 100 word story. Yikes! What a challenge.

Stephen King mentions, in his nonfiction book On Writing, that he had an editor or publisher, I can’t remember which, that had told him to trim ten percent of everything he had written. Writing short fiction is all about trimming, cutting corners, and leaving things completely out of the story to make the word count limit. With these short pieces you have to make a choice. Sometimes it is right up front when you start the task. Other times you have to backtrack and modify. But the choice has to be made. You have to pick a single focus. Maybe its a place, time, person or event. But in a super short story with only 1000 words or less to work with, that is rarely focused enough. You have to get to the word. That one word that your story is going to spin around. One word. Your story in only one word. Build that one word up. Surround it with the other 999 extras that you get to use. Sometimes the word gets buried. It might not even make into your end collage of words. But the meaning or essence of that word are there. Poking out at sharp angles.

I have been following a few blogs and whatnot out here in the great wide bit bucket in the sky. Many of them are great for writing prompts. Some don’t even know they are doing it. I will grab a random blog and pick a few headlines or topics and start working on something to get my 500 words for the day. But if anybody is following this one, I have a challenge. Take your favorite word book – Yes, that one – the closest to you now. Open it about one-third of the way. Pick the word that is three-quarters the way down the left page. If you don’t trust yourself, grab some of your D&D dice that you have tucked away in a drawer somewhere and roll for the page, paragraph, and word.

Now that you have the word, write it down on a piece of paper. Place that sucker right in the center. Then, write the words that come to you around that word. Write them in a spiral around it, in spokes from it like a wheel, it doesn’t matter. Just write words. After you have filled the page, you can start to use those words to find the story in that word jumble.

It is just another one of those crazy writing exercises. Maybe it works for you maybe it doesn’t. I found that it was fun.

July 27, 2013December 14, 2014

Doorbell Button

Today, I fixed something. Well, I fixed a couple of things. I put the plumbing back together for our kitchen sink. It is coming along pretty well. I repaired a dimmer switch that was overheating in our dining room as well. But the thing that really got me going today – well, tonight – was the doorbell. We had the siding replaced about a year and a half ago. When those cats removed the old siding they naturally had to remove the doorbell button as well. They didn’t take care doing it. Honestly, they didn’t take care doing much. The siding job was slightly less than what I would call “on par.”They got it together after a couple of redo attempts. But the poor doorbell just never did work right after that.

I don’t know much about doorbells. Let me restate that. I didn’t know much about doorbells until today. I thought that you pushed the button and all the electricity did its wonderful “goodness” and presto-bingo you have Westminster chimes ring-a-ding dinging in your hall. The sad truth to it is, I think that a lot folks are in the same boat that I was in. I am a little determined on occasion. So I figured, they just shorted the button or chime. That is all. So I took the button down. It only worked if you depressed it and held it. Otherwise, you got this awful buzzing sound that contained only a short note or two of the homage to the Church of St. Mary the Great. To hear the Cambridge Quarters you had to hold the button down. Who was rude enough to do that?

Apparently, when the doorbell was originally installed it had a nice little diode that crossed the terminals and held the note for you. But my friendly demolition team neglected to keep that diode. And, of course, I had no knowledge of its existence. I studied the wiring and played with it. Muwhahaha. After reading the sticker on the chime itself, I found that you needed to have a diode.

Now to my rant.

After I tried out a few new doorbell buttons, I found out the truth. You couldn’t buy the stinking thing where you might buy a doorbell. After a bit more research, I found a few references to a couple of different diode configurations that could help me out. I went to Radio Shack to get one. Maybe they know something about these things. I walked into my local Radio Shack and ask the store manager, “I need a diode for my doorbell. Do you have any?” I expected a quick grin. But you know what I got instead? You probably know already if you have walked into a Radio Shack in the last year or two looking for something having anything at all to do with electronics. He didn’t know what a diode was. I didn’t believe him at first. I just grinned and asked him a question about what voltage and amperage diode that I might need. I couldn’t really believe it. The manager of a Radio Shack didn’t know what a diode was or did. For those of you who don’t know either -it generally is used to prevent the flow of electricity in a particular direction. Sort of like a one way valve for electricity. He showed me to the pull out bin of ALL of their electronic parts and pieces. Radio Shack used to be the place to go if you needed a quick part for something electronic. Now they have the equivalent of a large toolbox with bags of electronic components that the employees have not even a single clue as to what they are. Anyway, I bought a grab bag of 1 amp diodes and went home. I installed the 50v 1Adiode. Now, I have my magic back. You press the button, like any normal human and just wonder at the amazement of the Westminster Chime. We can also pretend that we didn’t hear it and hide. Like we did before it was repaired.

Have a great day.

June 20, 2013December 14, 2014

Silence is eerie

Puns are funny. Especially so – for those who make them.

I was chatting with my middle son tonight. Something I do often. Tonight, I took a moment to just sit there. He looked at me and said, “Awkward silence.”

I replied, “Nope, just listening to nothing.”

“All I hear is the ‘hmmm’ of the fridge.”

“Yeah. I guess that there isn’t much silence around here any way.”

“There is in space.”

“Yep, the vacuum of space doesn’t let sound travel.” I paused and looked him in the eye. “With all of that silence – it must be eerie.” Chuckling, I started pointing at my ear. “You know – EARY.”

A few moments later, the wife steps into the kitchen. I told her the same thing. No laughter. Just an oh-so-slightly amused snicker. She didn’t have to say it out loud.Her look said it clearly. ‘Where did you get that, from a Laffy Taffy wrapper?’

No, my dear. I didn’t get it from a candy wrapper. Although,those wrappers have some really funny stuff on them!

What’s brown and sticky?

A stick!